=|;{0> Sir Alphonse

Sir Alphonse is a force to be reckoned with, in the linguistical sense. Often times his perfect panache, wonderful wit, and totally killer-awesome demagoguery bring about results that only the most hardened MCs may pull off after years of oratory training. For example, one time Sir Alphonse said unto a crowd, with his booming and majestic voice, “Guys I am totally hungry, someone should invent something that is delicious that I can eat!” and everyone killed themselves for pure anguish at the thought of Alphonse ever being hungry.

:| Plain Emoticon

Mr. Plain Emoticon is like a cup that is neither half empty, nor half full, nor really empty or full at all, even in measurable degrees somewhere between full and empty. This is because he is very boring and is basically just a talking head to which responses may be assigned, thus giving the impression that the interesting characters (see Sir Alphonse I guess) aren’t talking to themselves some of the time.

=‡ Robot

The Robot is a metaphor probably. He maybe stands to represent something about society or whatever, and how it is bad or is doing something wrong or is maybe doing something right but for the wrong reasons perhaps. Hey, have you guys ever seen Dawn of the Dead? Like, the old one? No? It’s pretty alright I hear. Yeah, well, he’s basically the same as the zombies in that, cause I guess they represented something maybe? Like, man’s unwillingness to cooperate?

The Robot kills people sometimes.

}:/> THE DEVIL

The Devil is like a kid in a candy store, only he can’t reach the counter top and every time he tries to grab something his mom just slaps him on the wrist anyways.
I think the Devil and GOD are supposed to be enemies, as dictated by that ‘The Bible’ thing I think it is called.
I like to think that, on the contrary, they are good buddies who hang out and play checkers together and talk about work and how hard it’s getting to be an omnipotent dude whose powers can only be used in support of one extreme moralistic standpoint or another. They drink coffee with half and half and play checkers and talk about these things.

GOD GOD

GOD is omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent, and maybe omnivorous as well, assuming he possesses the proper dental structure.
The fact that he can only be represented by words, due to his absolutely perfect perfection, means that sometimes if you make a list of characters and for each character’s entry you display an image of that character followed by that character’s name it will look kind of weird if that character is GOD.

€:| Le Pope

The Pope is a stern father figure burdened with the task of keeping the other characters, such as the ones listed in no particular order above and below this entry that you’re reading right now, in line. Sometimes he is interrupted by the rambunctious duo of Sir Alphonse and Hitler as he peruses his Reader’s Digest, or perhaps he is distracted from planting his seasonal rhododendrons by the faint chuckles of The Devil and Plain Emoticon as they nail all of his furniture to the ceiling of his rumpus room.

Then he goes fuckin' bat shit crazy and beats the garbage out of them with a rubber hose.

In his off time The Pope makes a hobby out of being the soul conduit and earthly representative of GOD our Lord, one true father of the Heavens above, for all of eternity and also et cetera, Amen.

• P Cyclops

Cyclops is a comedian. He is an ancient Grecian comedian who has only one eye.

›:-O Hitler

I think we only ever used Hitler once? We’re not even really sure what this whole Hitler deal is anyways.
Let’s see… wikipedia is saying that Hitler was a dude with a moustache, and then something about Jews and Volkswagen Beetle cars apparently.
So yeah, Hitler represents the German automotive industry between the years 1940 and some later date that you can look up yourself on wikipedia if you think it’s so great you big nerd.

He also looks pretty dumb in HTML text. The one in the actual comic is way better. Seriously. It look just like the real thing, only not dead or whatever.